


Tell Me It's Not True

by iceprinceofbelair



Series: Lupin Ficlets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Caretaking, Gen, Marauders' Era, Post-Transformation Remus, Pre-Canon, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:23:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceprinceofbelair/pseuds/iceprinceofbelair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus hates what he is and returns to the dormitory one day feeling miserable. Sirius tries to make it okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me It's Not True

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in a rush because the idea came to my head and I had to get it all down before it escaped me so I apologise if it's not particularly eloquent.

James peers curiously at Sirius over the top of his Potions essay, watching his uneasy fidgeting with mild amusement. While a natural fidgeter, this really does take the art to a whole new level. Even when Sirius becomes aware of James' eyes on him, he makes no effort to be still which is fairly unusual. It's true that they're close, but Sirius is very much a closed book when it comes to emotions. Such an outward display of apparent anxiety is unusual.

What's even more unusual is what happens next. For the first time in the year they've known one another, Sirius voices his concerns without having to first be throttled and/or hexed accordingly.

"He's been in there for almost an hour," he mutters, nodding in the direction of the bathroom the four of them shared. "Wasn't himself when he got back. Didn't even look at me."

James nods. He has to agree, he's somewhat concerned for their friend's wellbeing. Remus had been, well, off recently. Ever since the three of them had sussed him out, he'd been distant. None of them could really understand it but Madam Pomfrey had suggested that Remus was perhaps frightened and, though James had assured her that he had no reason to be, she'd only nodded sympathetically and sent him on his way because _he's not well enough for visitors today, Mr Potter._

It's hard to believe that had been nearly a month ago.

James bites his lip. "By the state of him, I don't think he's been to see Madam Pomfrey yet. She'll be out of her mind."

"Doesn't she usually fetch him first thing?"

James shrugs. "He must have left early."

In truth, Remus had looked awful. To be fair, he often did after a bad transformation but James isn't quite sure what to make of him right now. He'd only caught a glimpse before Remus had locked himself in the bathroom but the blood and scarring had been apparent on his bare arms, face, and neck. As to the rest of him, James could only imagine.

James watches in silence as Sirius makes his way to the door and carefully presses his ear up against it. James doesn't know what he's hoping to hear. The shower drowns out everything else. Though, James notices now, this is the first time Remus has taken a shower without singing rather dreadfully simply to be a bother. It's not like him.

But Sirius suddenly pulls back and James blinks in confusion.

"He's crying," Sirius murmurs like he can't quite believe it.

Remus has only cried once, to the best of James' knowledge, and that was his first night here when he'd had terrible nightmares and nothing but a comforting hug and some chocolate would calm him. His concern only growing, James pads across the room to Sirius and knocks gently on the door, calling Remus' name.

"Remus Lupin, you have given me the fright of my-"

"Madam Pomfrey!" James exclaims in surprise, hoping Sirius didn't notice him start at the sudden sound of her voice. She stops in front of them, looking stern.

"Well, boys, where is he?" She demands, noting the lack of Remus' presence. Sirius swallows and looks to the door.

"He won't come out," he tells her quietly, almost ashamedly. "S'been in there for ages."

"He looked awful this morning," James chimes in. He'd been pretty tired having stayed up all night to finish his assignment and he's still exhausted now (with only twenty minutes to go until they'd have to run to class) but he can sense Remus' distress a mile off. "Shut himself in there before we could do anything."

Madam Pomfrey's face softens but hard lines of worry still crease her forehead. With a wave of her hand, James and Sirius stepped aside and she knocked on the door just as they had done but much more briskly.

"Mr Lupin? I know you're in there," she says sternly. "And from what your friends tell me, you're in quite desperate need of a check-up. Unless you want me to come in there..."

The shower turns off. Sirius and James look at each other in astonishment. The power Madam Pomfrey has over that boy is quite astounding. Not a minute later, Remus peers through the door which is now slightly ajar and tells her that, really, he's fine.

Thankfully, she's not fooled and she tells him so in as many words. With obvious reluctance, Remus opens the door (fully clothed but with his shirt and trousers sticking to his damp body and his hair dishevelled) to reveal angry red gashes on his neck and wrists. The bruises to his face are beginning to purple and it's all Sirius can do not to wrap Remus up in a hug there and then. James squeezes his forearm lightly.

Madam Pomfrey gazes at him sadly. "Can I have a look at you, dear?" she asks carefully, aware that a wrong move could frighten him off again. She hasn't seen him so flighty since his first few days.

Slowly - oh, so slowly - Remus emerges, taking small, cautious steps into the dormitory. Madam Pomfrey takes him gently by the arm and sits him down on the nearest bed which just happens to belong to James. He quickly moves his books onto the floor. Madam Pomfrey crouches down in front of Remus and asks him to take his shirt off when he feels he can.

Remus shoots his friends a nervous look. Any other day, they'd have tactfully given him privacy but not today. Eventually, he unbuttons the front of his shirt and removes it from his shoulders, allowing it to pool behind him. Sirius looks away with tears in his eyes but James can't stop looking.

"Oh, dear..." Madam Pomfrey breathes and Remus, apparently exhausted from the effort of keeping it in, bursts into floods of tears. James is utterly shocked. All he can do is watch one of his best friends crumble in front of him. Sirius is quicker to react.

He plonks himself down next to Remus and takes him tight in his arms, paying no mind to his own steadily dampening shirt. Remus clings to him like he'll disappear if he doesn't. When James glances her way, Madam Pomfrey looks close to tears too. Remus is whispering something, something James can't understand.

"You're not," Sirius whispers, voice catching. "You're not, I promise."

Remus simply repeats himself and, this time, James hears him loud and clear.

"I'm a monster."


End file.
